Posted in Family

My long distance marriage

Hello readers. Thank you for visiting my blog. I would like to introduce myself. My name is Dhiny. I am an Indonesian woman, a wife, and a mother of a beautiful daughter and a handsome son who has a particular interest in family, parenting, and child education issues.

On this time, I would like to tell you about my long distance marriage (LDM). Currently, my marriage is 7 years old. However, since we are in an LDM, our real marriage life can be cut in half, which is only 3,5 years old :D. I basically dislike LDM. We have to bear this condition because my husband works in an oil company in Middle East country, while me and our family live in Indonesia, one of South East Asia countries. That’s a 9 hours flight away. He works 5 weeks there, and then went home for a 5 weeks holiday (with his phone and laptop still connected to the company network, so it’s not a pure holiday). In fact, I would like to tell you about the beautiful and awful side of LDM if you don’t mind. The awful side first.

  1.  I miss him, so do my children. Oh so cliche.

Well you know what, there’s a trick to handle this ‘missing you’ thing. In my mind, I would compile all my emotion, place it inside a plastic container box, and then put it in a freezer. I would not open that box until my husband arrives 😀

However, my children  couldn’t do this awkward trick yet (of course!). They ask for their father every time they miss him.

“Where is papa?”

“When will papa come home?”

“Lilan wants to swim with papa”.

“It’s raining! Lilan wanna slide in the garage floor with papa”.

Sometime those sentences melt my heart, but not anymore. My children should learn that their father will not be around for 5 weeks regularly. I’m so mean :p

2.   I am experiencing “there’s no way I am having a depression but I think I do”.

If the trick in point number 1 succeed, I will be fine. If it’s not, I know that I will be experiencing unstable emotions. Sometimes I cry and wonder why our family should be separated since the beginning of our marriage. When will it end? Sometimes I am grateful that my husband is away so I can have more time to socialize with my friends, do my favorite things, and have less cooking time ;D.

3.   You know what a wife need from her husband. Physically.

Whoaaaa..this is the hardest point in LDM. You can’t get a kiss whenever you want to. You can’t cuddle with your husband whenever you need it. You can’t get attached with your hubby whenever you wish for it. You can only do those things in 5 weeks time span. The next 5 weeks is fasting time.

4.  Hi Dhiny! Where is your husband? (I’m kinda socially single).

From wedding invitation to a neighbour just asking by, I look like a lonely person without a spouse. I feel rather insecure sometimes. Especially at night. A family needs a mature man in the house I suppose.

Well that’s the end for the awful side. Now let’s move to the beautiful side.

  1. It always feels like a first date on the day he arrives.

It’s our family tradition to go to the airport to welcome him home. My heart beating excitedly while we’re looking for him to appear from the arrival gate. Lovely hugs, kisses, smiles, and sweet talks will then accompany us on the way home. Oh love is in the air!

2. We have less arguments because we are too busy missing each other.

Well, this happen maybe about a week or two after the arrival. After that, we’re a normal family you know. We argue about things, our children, our finance, our habits, etc. But almost every difficult argument ends with a sweet reconciliation. And it makes us knowing each other better, and strengthen our marriage.

3. Everyday is a weekend when he is home.

Hahaha. This is the fun part. Almost everyday we go out for a breakfast,  or a lunch, or a dinner, or a date, or a breakfast followed by a family trip until night. Our entertainment budget surely has it’s peak on this time, and has it’s bottom when he’s away. Necessarily, going out almost everyday  will make us exhausted, but it’s not. Our happy energy makes us healthier than the 5 weeks lonely time of rarely going anywhere when he is on duty.

4. I got my parents or my parents in law at home more often than other family.

My children is my parents in law first grandchildren. They visit us more often than my parents. What I mean with a visit here is a week or two stay at my house. It’s kinda great for my children and me, we are not feeling lonely because of their presence. However, we are a different family with different values. Sometimes I have to adapt with them, and sometimes they have to adapt with me. It’s normal. I rather have them with all the adaptation needed, rather than not having them here.

Okay, that’s it for now. I hope you got something from my writing. It’s my first post you know. So you have to be gentle :p. Later, I will swim into parenting topics. I will give a review on the latest parenting seminar I attend, and also the latest parenting books I read. Can’t wait 😉

 

 

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